Sunday, July 17, 2011

Endurance

This has been a particularly trying week with all the worry. So far we have all survived, and even got to celebrate my sister's clean scans. But Rob is still not feeling well. We only have partial lab results so far and it looks like he's got something going on in his liver. Hepatitis maybe? Hopefully we'll know for sure soon.

Having Rob down for a while helps me realize how much I rely upon him. It hasn't been easy to hold down the fort solo, and adding the extra worry hasn't helped. Let's just say that my lack of compassion has pretty much disqualified me for the wife of the year award!

I have tried. At one point when I felt like lashing out at something or someone, the thought came to my mind that how I act under trying circumstances will really show my true character. It was a scary thought, and made me reconsider my anger.

I've thought a lot about endurance this week. We are just over half way done with the chemo and the adrenaline that got us through the first of it all is long gone. While we have become accustomed to the cancer routine and have even gotten over some of the initial fear, keeping up with the pace of chemotherapy has been tough. The emotions that come along with cancer are draining. I feel like I am halfway through a marathon that I haven't trained for and wanting to quit. Because I'm not really a runner, the only way I can make this metaphor work is to have a lion chasing me, because otherwise, I'd be done!

But I keep going, partially because there is no other option. But partially thanks to all the people who lift me up and cheer me on. And partially thanks to hope which gives me fresh new days. And mostly thanks to God for all the moments big and small where He reminds me that He knows and loves me and carries me when the burden feels too great.

11 comments:

  1. Thanks for enduring through all this Sonja. I know it's not easy. Thanks for blogging about it too. It been good to read and stay informed about everything. Inspiring too.

    I hope things are okay with Robert. Poor guy!

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  2. That's a lot unnerving about Rob. Gosh, I hope they can figure out what is going on and that it has an easy fix. I know what you mean when you say you have run out of the adrenaline that keeps you going. I know that all too well. Be gentle with yourself, what you deal with day in and day out is EPIC! I think you're still in the running for wife and mother of the year!

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  3. Sonja:
    Please let us help. We would be willing to do anything. You are an iron woman and we are cheering you on through your marathon.

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  4. Your awesome girl! You are stronger then you think! Hope Rob gets better fast! Love ya and think about you and your family daily!

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  5. Sonja,
    Thanks for your honest sharing. We are all praying so hard that you will be strengthened and find hope in Christ. Is it going through these kinds of trials that gives us that "knowing" of what it means to truly trust in Christ and lean not unto our own understanding? It is hard to understand many things in this life - especially when our children are going through it! You are an inspiration to me, Sonja. Your witness of needing a Savior is an inspiration to all! Because we all do!

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  6. Sonja, I'm praying for you daily and read the blog all the time. You are SO strong. I'm so sorry Rob hasn't felt well. I can't imagine how difficult not having his help must be. I hope he feels well soon. Keep us updated. I've been looking for plane tickets to come out for a visit. We're thinking maybe around Spring Break or even this November. Please let God give you strength. Hang in there.

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  7. Being a parent and a spouse is hard enough under ideal circumstances. I think you and Rob are doing an excellent job. I hope he gets better soon. And also you WILL outrun that scary cancer lion and then this will all just be a memory.

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  8. And at the end of that marathon you get to kick that lions butt! Right? If you hang in there you'll get to put the lion skin on your wall in your trophy room and brag about how you made it though the marathon of 2011! You looked great today, btw. I'm glad we got to see you! You keep running and we'll keep praying for your strength, and Rob's quick recovery.

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  9. Thanks for the update on Rob. I don't think you should chastise yourself for any lack of compassion...your bucket can't hold any more drops! We're praying that your load will be lightened soon. Please let your kids come play at our house soon!

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  10. I am so tired for you reading this. slow and steady wins the race.. although it really stinks! WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!

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