Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Two years (almost)

Good news! Steven's scans were good today. Last night as I was saying goodnight to him, I asked if he was nervous and he said, "Not at all. Mom, they are going to be good. Don't worry." He was right, thank heavens! If attitude has any sway on cancer, then he has this thing beat. (Don't take that wrong--I'm all for chemo, trust me! It reminds me of a deep thought by Jack Handy "Dad thought laughter was the best medicine. Maybe that's why several of us died of tuberculosis.")

Slightly dissappointing to us was that he has to go back in December.  Not because they are worried, it's just that he needs all his yearly appointments, like an echocardiogram.   Plus, even though we are only weeks away from his two year anniversary of finishing chemo,  it was November when they did his post chemo scans.   And he forgort to drink anything this morning which threw off one of his tests.  

So I guess we'll be doing this again sooner than I had hoped, but that is okay.  We'll be extra sure before we take a six month break that he has no more cancer.

For today, I will just take a deep breath and thank God for giving us even more time with this darling boy.

Monday, September 23, 2013

Summer has come and gone and it was lovely.   The kids are just at the perfect age to be excited about all my adventurous plans.  And they were perfectly happy to hang around at home when I wanted to do that instead.   I was kind of sad to send them off to school this year.   I cried for hours the morning I sent Laura to kindergarten.  It's kind of lonely here in the mornings.  But I have plenty to keep me busy for now.  I'm not sure what it is happening to me.  I used to be on top of my life but as the last few years have presented some serious challenges, I feel like things are starting to break down big time.

But today might be the worst day of all to assess my mental health.   Tomorrow Steven has scans.  I am hoping that everything is great, but he has had a cough and lately every single time he coughs, I feel like I did that first time they told me he had cancer.  That fear only lasts for an instant and then I reassure myself with statistics and other evidences of health.   I want so badly for everything to be okay that even the thought of finding anything on the scans is devastating.

Luckily, he isn't worried.  He doesn't seem to notice he is coughing or if he does, has not associated it with cancer.   He is as happy as ever--he even knows about the scans, but doesn't seem worried.  I must be doing a pretty good job of hiding my anxiety from him.  He has seen it before and has called me out on it too!  He will be worried going to the hospital tomorrow, but he has been spared the weeks of agony that I've endured.

Steven is doing so well.  He started playing soccer with a regular recreation league.  His team is really good to him and he loves it.  He watched his siblings play last spring and he was determined to be a part of soccer himself.   He has a long way to go, but he puts his whole heart into every game and it is fun to watch.   I was telling his story to some of the parents on the team and they were blown away.  Nobody guessed that his foot was on backwards!  Or that he had only been walking on a prosthetic for 18 months or so.   He can run a little and walk forever.  It doesn't hurt him at all--if anything, just his muscles ache after hard exertion.

We had a fun opportunity at the end of the summer.  My sister and her in-laws invited us to a family cabin in California by a lake.  It was a magical week--perfect weather, bright stars, good food and excellent company.  The boys were absolutely in heaven with water, dirt, fishing, kayaking, and card games.  My kids had already adopted their cousin's grandma, but "Grandma Vicky's" fishing tutoring (and let's be honest, she did all the hard parts of fishing) have cemeted their love for her.  The whole thing was absolutely beautiful.

Here is a video from the week.  Our family does a film festival every year and this year one of the themes was reality TV.  We made our own reality TV short and based it on an idea Grandma Vicky had to award the kids "Man Beads" for all of their accomplishments at the cabin.   The boys spent a couple of hours working out all the achievments and had quite the list going.   This is only a short part of the fun, but hopefully you'll get the picture.