No escape

One of the hardest thing about this cancer thing is that I feel like I can't escape it. Even when we aren't at the hospital, when I'm not giving shots or pills, when the home health nurse is long gone, when Steven is at school--somehow all my thoughts come back to cancer.

It isn't because I'm not trying. I am sleeping pretty well. But in every dream, Steven has cancer. I pick up books to read, and every once in a while I can, especially if they talk about cancer. Movies are hard--I just can't sit still long enough. Today I helped the younger kids build and paint a house out of a furniture box. I enjoyed every minute of it, but I think I owe that to my newfound respect for life and how fleeting it can be.

I will keep trying. We just entered spring break in all it's glory here. Steven went to school today for the first time this week--I am glad he did so he can appreciate his time off. His ANC was good on Thursday (although his red blood cells and platelets were pretty low). We won't need labs again until Wednesday and then he's scheduled for another round of chemo Easter weekend, so hopefully we can sneak away for a night or two before then. And if we are lucky, we can sneak away from the cancer thoughts, too.

Sunny California

Just before Steven went into his biopsy on Thursday the 17th, we asked the doctors if it would be okay for us to take a trip to California that weekend--before the chemotherapy started. They said it may be the only time we would able to go that far until he finished chemo, so we decided to skip town. Steven had always wanted to see the ocean.

It was so nice to get away and to be distracted as we waited to start the chemo. As soon as the airplane landed, I wanted to eat--something I hadn't been able to do for days. I kept my appetite the whole time we were there--amazing! We left the girls with my sister and took along her son, James--one of Steven's best friends.

Steven loved the ocean. He had to keep his incisions clean, so he couldn't get in. He was sad about that, but had a great time finding sea shells and running from the waves. We went to Sea World, Legoland and the San Diego Wild Animal Park. We made some good memories--hopefully good enough to see us through this hard year.




Feeding the Lorikeets--one the highlights


Legoland--my boys' dream destination


A water fight in February--does it get any better?


We gained a new appreciation for wheelchairs.


Our hotel was right on the beach--it was amazing. I love the mountains, but I can totally understand the draw to California. I can't wait to go again when this is all over.