Friday, April 15, 2011

No escape

One of the hardest thing about this cancer thing is that I feel like I can't escape it. Even when we aren't at the hospital, when I'm not giving shots or pills, when the home health nurse is long gone, when Steven is at school--somehow all my thoughts come back to cancer.

It isn't because I'm not trying. I am sleeping pretty well. But in every dream, Steven has cancer. I pick up books to read, and every once in a while I can, especially if they talk about cancer. Movies are hard--I just can't sit still long enough. Today I helped the younger kids build and paint a house out of a furniture box. I enjoyed every minute of it, but I think I owe that to my newfound respect for life and how fleeting it can be.

I will keep trying. We just entered spring break in all it's glory here. Steven went to school today for the first time this week--I am glad he did so he can appreciate his time off. His ANC was good on Thursday (although his red blood cells and platelets were pretty low). We won't need labs again until Wednesday and then he's scheduled for another round of chemo Easter weekend, so hopefully we can sneak away for a night or two before then. And if we are lucky, we can sneak away from the cancer thoughts, too.


  1. Oh Sonja, I can't even imagine how hard this is. You are so strong and so is Steven. I will remember your words the next time I'm playing with my kids.
    Still sending my live and prayers!

  2. Well said Sonja. This is the element I ponder on most when I consider yours or Alisa's situations. I know if it were me, I wouldn't be able to relax or escape the thoughts and worry. I think it would be one of the hardest parts of the whole ordeal.

    Thank for that story about making the house with your kids. I hit me. In a good, kick in the pants sort of way.

    Keep moving Sonja! Love you.

  3. We just want you to know that we continue to pray for you and your wonderful family, and as Jane says "Please bless the Blodgetts, especially Steven" in every prayer. We love you and hope you are able to do some enjoyable things over the break.

  4. we have similar thoughts and feelings as Gabi re-realizes and understands that she can never go a day without a shot or eat a meal without counting every bite. no breaks, no rest, forever... it gets overwhelming. i console myself with the thoughts that lots of things happen that change our lives forever (good and bad), new babies, changes in our family, kids growing up, new ideas, etc. I am not sure how you guys are going to cope.. only you can figure it out.. but it has something to do with plowing ahead and not looking back. and fyi, after doing this stuff for months, I don't think about it hardly at all and the "new normal" has arrived. don't know if it is possible with cancer, but I hope it is.

  5. I hope that Spring Break brings in some relaxing days for you!

  6. I also think that would be so hard. The thoughts would be hard to escape. I hope you guys ended up going to the cabin and had fun.