Friday, April 22, 2011

A rough 24

Rob is at the hospital with Steven tonight. Steven has had a rough go of this round. Last night he was throwing up worse than he ever had. This was supposed to be the easy chemo!!! What happened? Not only that, but he isn't clearing the methotrexate as fast as he has in the past. My Easter-at-home dreams are slipping away. I won't give up hope yet, who knows what the morning will bring?

I hope it brings a methotrexate level low enough that he can have a transfusion tomorrow. I suspect that his low red blood cell counts aren't helping our situation here. Maybe new blood can solve some problems. I tried to help him do homework this morning, but he had such a hard time concentrating, he was even crying. It broke my heart because he cries so rarely. So we stopped homework and I gave him the Ipad. Somehow he manages to concentrate on that.

And then there is me. I'm not a big crier either, but today has been rough. I can't go 20 minutes without breaking down into tears. It is so hard to see him suffer, and so hard to see other people suffer. It's going to be an Ambien night for sure--my mind is racing over statistics and treatments and the future and the present.

The highlight of my day was taking the girls to the hospital to see Steven. They loved seeing the place we always talk about--"at the hospital." They even got to see the life-flight helicopter land out Steven's window. As we were getting ice from the ice machine, Laura said, "The hospital is so so so fun." As she said this, a bald and sickly little girl about her age was pulled past her in a wagon. I don't think Laura saw, but the contrast just struck me and I cried, again. I don't think "fun" is the word I would use.

7 comments:

  1. No, this is not any fun. You have been so strong, but the chronic sickness of it all has to wear you down. I hope there are better things in the morning for you and Steven.

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  2. I hope tomorrow looks better for you! Sure love you guys.

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  3. 'Fun' is not a word I would use either. I love you Sonja! Hang in there. Steven too. Our prayers are with you this weekend especially!

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  4. I am so sorry Sonja! It hurts so bad...I know! I will be storming heaven for you guys today. Sometimes, the best thing to do is cry. If you ever need to talk, no matter what time of day it is, I am always here. If you want to email me, I can send you my contact info or Jon and Bryanna have it too. kd.goff@hotmail.com. I hope you got some sleep...that helps too.

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  5. I'm sorry you guys are having such a hard time, Sonja. I hope things are better today.

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  6. That really does sound awful. I'm so sorry! I hope things get even a little better soon.

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  7. Oh, Sonja, I wish I had something clever or helpful to say. I don't. I just love you and hope you feel that across the miles.

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