No escape

One of the hardest thing about this cancer thing is that I feel like I can't escape it. Even when we aren't at the hospital, when I'm not giving shots or pills, when the home health nurse is long gone, when Steven is at school--somehow all my thoughts come back to cancer.

It isn't because I'm not trying. I am sleeping pretty well. But in every dream, Steven has cancer. I pick up books to read, and every once in a while I can, especially if they talk about cancer. Movies are hard--I just can't sit still long enough. Today I helped the younger kids build and paint a house out of a furniture box. I enjoyed every minute of it, but I think I owe that to my newfound respect for life and how fleeting it can be.

I will keep trying. We just entered spring break in all it's glory here. Steven went to school today for the first time this week--I am glad he did so he can appreciate his time off. His ANC was good on Thursday (although his red blood cells and platelets were pretty low). We won't need labs again until Wednesday and then he's scheduled for another round of chemo Easter weekend, so hopefully we can sneak away for a night or two before then. And if we are lucky, we can sneak away from the cancer thoughts, too.