Monday, September 23, 2013

Summer has come and gone and it was lovely.   The kids are just at the perfect age to be excited about all my adventurous plans.  And they were perfectly happy to hang around at home when I wanted to do that instead.   I was kind of sad to send them off to school this year.   I cried for hours the morning I sent Laura to kindergarten.  It's kind of lonely here in the mornings.  But I have plenty to keep me busy for now.  I'm not sure what it is happening to me.  I used to be on top of my life but as the last few years have presented some serious challenges, I feel like things are starting to break down big time.

But today might be the worst day of all to assess my mental health.   Tomorrow Steven has scans.  I am hoping that everything is great, but he has had a cough and lately every single time he coughs, I feel like I did that first time they told me he had cancer.  That fear only lasts for an instant and then I reassure myself with statistics and other evidences of health.   I want so badly for everything to be okay that even the thought of finding anything on the scans is devastating.

Luckily, he isn't worried.  He doesn't seem to notice he is coughing or if he does, has not associated it with cancer.   He is as happy as ever--he even knows about the scans, but doesn't seem worried.  I must be doing a pretty good job of hiding my anxiety from him.  He has seen it before and has called me out on it too!  He will be worried going to the hospital tomorrow, but he has been spared the weeks of agony that I've endured.

Steven is doing so well.  He started playing soccer with a regular recreation league.  His team is really good to him and he loves it.  He watched his siblings play last spring and he was determined to be a part of soccer himself.   He has a long way to go, but he puts his whole heart into every game and it is fun to watch.   I was telling his story to some of the parents on the team and they were blown away.  Nobody guessed that his foot was on backwards!  Or that he had only been walking on a prosthetic for 18 months or so.   He can run a little and walk forever.  It doesn't hurt him at all--if anything, just his muscles ache after hard exertion.

We had a fun opportunity at the end of the summer.  My sister and her in-laws invited us to a family cabin in California by a lake.  It was a magical week--perfect weather, bright stars, good food and excellent company.  The boys were absolutely in heaven with water, dirt, fishing, kayaking, and card games.  My kids had already adopted their cousin's grandma, but "Grandma Vicky's" fishing tutoring (and let's be honest, she did all the hard parts of fishing) have cemeted their love for her.  The whole thing was absolutely beautiful.

Here is a video from the week.  Our family does a film festival every year and this year one of the themes was reality TV.  We made our own reality TV short and based it on an idea Grandma Vicky had to award the kids "Man Beads" for all of their accomplishments at the cabin.   The boys spent a couple of hours working out all the achievments and had quite the list going.   This is only a short part of the fun, but hopefully you'll get the picture.


  1. That place looks like a kids dream! I love the video! Mike was watching Survivor on TV the other day. I can't believe that show is still going! I liked your version better. What a fun thing!

    Everything will be okay with Steven, I'm sure. Jeffrey coughs all.the.time. He has something called "cough variant asthma." Something really common this time of year.

    Thanks for the update.

  2. Awesome video! It looks like a dream vacation. Lots of prayers coming your way today. Love you guys!

  3. What a fun video and fun idea. And I'm happy to hear that Steven's still cancer free.