This has been a particularly trying week with all the worry. So far we have all survived, and even got to celebrate my sister's clean scans. But Rob is still not feeling well. We only have partial lab results so far and it looks like he's got something going on in his liver. Hepatitis maybe? Hopefully we'll know for sure soon.
Having Rob down for a while helps me realize how much I rely upon him. It hasn't been easy to hold down the fort solo, and adding the extra worry hasn't helped. Let's just say that my lack of compassion has pretty much disqualified me for the wife of the year award!
I have tried. At one point when I felt like lashing out at something or someone, the thought came to my mind that how I act under trying circumstances will really show my true character. It was a scary thought, and made me reconsider my anger.
I've thought a lot about endurance this week. We are just over half way done with the chemo and the adrenaline that got us through the first of it all is long gone. While we have become accustomed to the cancer routine and have even gotten over some of the initial fear, keeping up with the pace of chemotherapy has been tough. The emotions that come along with cancer are draining. I feel like I am halfway through a marathon that I haven't trained for and wanting to quit. Because I'm not really a runner, the only way I can make this metaphor work is to have a lion chasing me, because otherwise, I'd be done!
But I keep going, partially because there is no other option. But partially thanks to all the people who lift me up and cheer me on. And partially thanks to hope which gives me fresh new days. And mostly thanks to God for all the moments big and small where He reminds me that He knows and loves me and carries me when the burden feels too great.