Sunday, May 8, 2011

Mother's Day


I've had a bittersweet Mother's Day weekend. When a stranger wishes me a happy mother's day, all weekend I've felt like explaining, that actually, we'd be losing a leg so, no, it would be a hard weekend. But that is the wicked, depressed side of me speaking. You'll be proud of me that I bit my tounge each time and smiled and said, "Thank you."

Mother's day really has been nice, even with the cancer and upcoming surgery looming about. We went to church with Rob's parents and then we went to my mom's house and talked to my brother, Mark, who is on an LDS mission in Barcelona, Spain. It was so nice to visit with most of my siblings. But even with distractions, there is no escaping the cancer. Addie and Andrew's mother's day cards seemed to express our reality (you'll have to excuse the photography on these cards. I'm lazy tonight):

Addie said hers was a picture of me and Steven at the hospital. (By the way, Rob forged the "I love you.")




Andrew's came as part of a darling book he made at school entitled, "All About My Mom". The next page says "sisters."



Cancer has brought a whole new dimension to the love and concern I feel for my kids. I never really understood how painful being a mom could be. And there is a good chance that this won't be the end of my suffering and maybe not even the worst of it. But even with the pain that comes as part of the job, the joy my kids bring me is indescribable.

I am a far cry from perfect. I yell at my kids often and today was no exception. Some of my motherly duties have fallen by the wayside since cancer came along. We eat too much junk food and watch too much TV and my kids do very little chores these days. I hope I will get a second chance here, but in the meantime I do want the best for them and I love them immensely. I guess that is what makes motherhood work--we moms will sacrifice a lot to give our kids the best life we can.

Tonight I want to hold Steven in my arms like I did when he was a baby. I wish I could take away all the pain that he will feel next week. If I could, I would go in his place for the surgery. But since I can't, I hope he can at least go through the trial ahead with a surety that his mom loves him.

P.S. He is still doing well-continues to claim he isn't nervous about the surgery. I'm pretty sure I'm more nervous that he is. He had a great weekend with his aunt Alisa and her kids. She did a much better job of providing fun than I could have. I had a busy and distracting day trying to prep for this crazy week.

20 comments:

  1. You are so awesome! All of you. I don't have the words to say how much I admire the courage and faith you have. Thank you for helping me to appreciate family so much more and all the precious times we have. We continue to pray for Steven and all who care for him.

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  2. Oh Sonja--you're better than you think you are. I lose my patience all the time in here. We'll be thinking and praying lots for you this next week.

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  3. We're all praying our hardest.

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  4. Your kids do know you love them, you are a great mother. I am so sad about this week, I cry all the time about it. This all happened so fast.

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  5. Good luck this week. Hang in there and try not to be so hard on yourself. It's amazing how quickly kids adjust and forgive! All will work out:)

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  6. We are thinking of you guys and praying for you! Good luck this week, I will pray that your family and Steven will have everything needed to get through it as easily as possible.

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  7. I'm in tears this morning after reading yours and Alisa blog posts on being a mother. The words and emotions you both expressed makes me want to drive to school, pick up my kids and just hug them all day.

    Thank you for your thoughts and words Sonja. For the record...for years now, I've thought of you as one of the best mothers I know of. Even more so now. I love you Sonja! We are praying morning, noon, and night for your family, especially this week.

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  8. I love those cards. And I also want to say that you are a great mother. You run circles around me and have twice as many kids as I do. You inspire me to do more and be more. Good luck this week! Oh, this is Anne btw.

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  9. Sonja, you're the best. My kids eat way too much junk, watch too much TV, and do too little chores and we don't even have a good excuse. We're praying for your whole family this week. Hang in there!

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  10. We're thinking about you guys all the time.

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  11. You're in my thoughts contiuously every day and obviously that doesn't help you much but I know the thoughts and prayers of many can buoy you all up during this trial and especially tomorrow and these coming weeks and months of recovery. You amaze me with all you're doing and please don't be too critical of yourself because some of us have no major trial and still let their kids eat too much junk food and watch too much TV and I may or may not be referring to myself. Anyway, good luck to Steven tomorrow and all of you we'll be praying for you.

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  12. Sonja, you're an AWESOME Mom . . . even with all the baggage that we all carry around. :) We'll all be praying for you, Steven (with the rest of the family), and especially the surgeon and his team. Even though this is very hard, this life-changing event will BRING so much more than what will be taken away.

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  13. You really touched my heart today. Good luck hardly seems appropriate but I do hope things go better than could be expected. I will not be able to get your family out of my mind this week and will be sending prayers your way!

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  14. Sonja! You are an amazing person!!! I really look up to you as a person and as a mom! You are so giving and unselfish! You really are a strength to me! My prayers will be with you and Steven this week and please let me know what I can do to help! Love ya girl!

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  15. We love you guys and are praying for a successful surgery tomorrow. Just wanted you all to know that our hearts with you guy. Also, a wise woman (my Mom) once told me the secret to being a good parent - just love your kids with all your heart. None of that other stuff matters right now. I always thought you were an amazing mom, Sonja, but never more than now!

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  16. You and Alisa both have beautiful things to say because you are beautiful inside and out. Please know that we are praying for you guys, especially tomorrow!

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  17. I think junk food and television were invented for times such as these. I am praying for angels to attend all you tomorrow. You are constantly in our thoughts and prayers.

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