Monday, August 29, 2011


Whew, I am tired tonight. The good news is that Steven made it home this morning. He barely made the methotrexate cut off of .10. We were so happy to leave. As we were taking care of things for discharge, I asked the nurse to look up his CBC (those are the labs they run on him biweekly). His ANC from this morning was 400. So low! You'll remember that it needs to be 500 to be out in public. 400 isn't terrible, it's just that I didn't expect it to drop so low at this point. I asked about him going to school and they said no--not until we see his Thursday labs. Oh, and his hematocrit was lower, too--close to transfusion levels.

I'm not sure why, (possibly the awful night sleep I got?), but I got pretty weepy about the whole thing. As in, cancer. I think it is so hard to give up expectations. Plus, I'm confused about why the low number. They think it is because he is getting toward the end and his bone marrow is tired. Well, I can understand that--I'm getting tired, too. I do feel like there is going to be an end to this--only four more rounds to go! At the same time, I feel like I can maybe handle one more round and then I will break, and maybe my whole family will crack apart. Laura, the three year old, clings to me longer and tighter every time I come back from the hospital. Things are just on edge around here.

We do have some good things to look forward to this week. On Thursday, Steven will get to take his leg home. He didn't realize it was this Thursday until this evening and he has been smiling ever since Rob told him. On Friday, we should be going in for another round of chemo, but we asked for the weekend off so that we can go on a mini vacation with my family. Also, on Labor day, we have our family film festival to look forward to. It will be fun. I am happy to take an 8 day break from the hospital. Hopefully the time will also help Steven to recover even better.

And like each day, we will take these rounds one at a time. It may feel hard right now at the end of a long night and day, but I know we can do it. We've done 14 rounds so far--we are pros at this! And like every round before, we still have the amazing love and help from our family and friends along with God's unfailing support.


  1. I hate that edgy...about to fall apart feeling. I just barely recovered from that state myself. I am glad you get the weekend off. I hope you can recharge enough to keep going. As always, praying for you guys.

  2. I am glad you guys get to take the weekend off. We're excited to see you. I'm sorry about the low counts. I don't blame you for being tired. I can't even imagine! I hope that Steven can go back to school soon.

  3. The journey always seemed harder right at the very end. Hang in there little family! You've made it so far! Can't wait to see a picture of Steven with his new leg in place. It's going to look great.

  4. You guys are so awesome! You are such a strong woman and I know you can get through this! That is great that you guys get to take a break! Enjoy it. Know I am always here for you! Love ya girl!