Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Merry Christmas!

I'm about to go to bed on Christmas night and I'm feeling good that got through the day and my kids are no worse for wear. I have had a very reflective month and have enjoyed the music of the season. But shopping and baking and all those other motherly Christmas responsibilities have had no draw. Christmas is magical, but I was afraid that without me working my mommy magic, my kids would be disappointed.

I'm happy to report that Christmas came all the same around here and thanks to many people like grandmas and Rob and neighbors and doorbell ditchers and friends and aunties, the magic was here. My big plans for the Christmas surprise I mentioned in my last post didn't work out. I wanted to give my kids a puppy. They had to settle with a stuffed animal and a coupon instead. You should have seen how excited they were about that! I can only imagine how a real life Christmas morning dog would have animated them! The search continues, but I sure wish I had that dog today. Despite my thwarted plans, as I said good night to Steven, he told me it was the very best Christmas ever.

I am so torn about how I feel about this Christmas. I still feel very sad about Daniel and really missed him today especially. But my kids are contagiously happy that I find myself happy one minute then sad another and then happy and sad at the same time. I have seen that so much in the last few years with all we've gone through--even in the sad times, happy things shine through.

I have a lot on my mind but putting it all into words is too taxing, so forgive me for saying good night. Forgive me for not sending Christmas cards or bringing you treats or sending you packages. Thank you for all of you who have made this Christmas so wonderful--we have surely felt your love.

I didn't do much for people for Christmas, but I did do something for myself. I formatted and printed this blog into a book. I finished most of it before Daniel was born. It cost a pretty penny to print, so I decided against printing copies for our parents. But it did come with a free ebook so I published it for the iPad and sent my parents a link. (I know--I'm cheap like that!) If there is anyone else out there with an iPad who wants a copy, here is a link if you would like to download it.

Merry Christmas everyone! May the peace of the season fill your hearts and homes.


  1. Sonja, I have been thinking so much about how to make space for grief and hope and happiness all at the same time. All my love to you.

  2. I'm so glad your Christmas was filled with happy moments. It's exciting that you're getting a dog! Don't rush it though. Puppies bring lots of joy, but lots of stress too. Get the right one!

    Love you Sonja!