I'm not sure where to start today, but since it's been a few days I'll make an attempt.
Steven has been back at school this week. He finally got caught up with his homework and he is like a whole new kid with that weight lifted off his shoulders. The last few weeks have been very stressful for him and for me. Between chemo, homework, and physical therapy, he has had a lot of stress. Last week I made a tough call and canceled his piano lessons for a while. It wasn't tough as in, "Can he handle this?" because clearly he has enough on his plate. It was tough as in, "My kid has given up enough of normal--does he have to lose one more thing?" (Okay, granted, this is only sad to me, not him, but still.)
He has been wearing his leg a lot more. He is making some progress, but not a lot and not very fast. He figured out that he can jump on the trampoline with his leg on and without crutches, so he keeps begging Andrew to go and jump with him. When he walks with his leg, he uses crutches almost entirely. I don't think he is bearing much weight on his leg at all. In fact, if he's in a big hurry, his prosthetic foot doesn't even touch the ground. Hmmm.....
It is September, my very favorite time of year and the weather has been lovely. We are only weeks away from finishing chemo. Steven has been super blessed throughout it all to avoid so many possible complications. My kids are all happy. We have good health insurance. I have so many reasons to be happy, but somehow my fight against depression is getting harder as time goes by.
But I won't give up. I will keep running. I will keep praying. I will keep hoping and dreaming. I will even listen to my phone messages. . . Okay, that might be a stretch. But I will have Rob listen to them and then tell me what they say.
I thank you all for you've done for me and my family. You can never know just how much each action, big and little, has meant to us. I don't go a day without recognizing just how blessed we are to know so many loving and caring people. It truly does keep me going, so thank you!
That is sad about the piano lessons. I would have felt the same way. I love you guys!
ReplyDeleteI think that lunch with cousins is just the thing you need this coming week. Love you Sonja.
ReplyDeleteSonja - I don't think depression sounds strange at all. It seems to me that it is often at the end of intense long events when all the work of holding things together is about to end, that the emotional toll and exhaustion hits. And it is especially rough when it seems that a whole other kind of work of holding things together is about to begin. I'm not saying you should just wallow it up in depression, but I also think it is fair and kind to yourself to acknowledge the intensity of all of this.
ReplyDeleteI really love you and think of you often.
I think maybe your tired body and soul. Is there a Sabbath - a day of rest for Cancer? Every bit of Chemo seems to have gone through you as well as Steven. I hope that fall and the slowing down of things brings a little reprieve. Breathe deeply and give yourself room and time to heal. A good cry every once in a while clears the tear ducts and then deep breathing seems easier. YOu have all been amazing. We love you.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if David had some "let down" time after he fought Goliath? Truly Steven has been a brave young warrior facing his Goliath this year! Now I am wondering how David's mother must have felt??? Mother's do feel deeply the pains of their children. Be kind to yourself Sonja and let yourself heal as well. Our prayers are ever with you guys. Love you so.
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