Mother's Day

I've had a bittersweet Mother's Day weekend. When a stranger wishes me a happy mother's day, all weekend I've felt like explaining, that actually, we'd be losing a leg so, no, it would be a hard weekend. But that is the wicked, depressed side of me speaking. You'll be proud of me that I bit my tounge each time and smiled and said, "Thank you."

Mother's day really has been nice, even with the cancer and upcoming surgery looming about. We went to church with Rob's parents and then we went to my mom's house and talked to my brother, Mark, who is on an LDS mission in Barcelona, Spain. It was so nice to visit with most of my siblings. But even with distractions, there is no escaping the cancer. Addie and Andrew's mother's day cards seemed to express our reality (you'll have to excuse the photography on these cards. I'm lazy tonight):

Addie said hers was a picture of me and Steven at the hospital. (By the way, Rob forged the "I love you.")




Andrew's came as part of a darling book he made at school entitled, "All About My Mom". The next page says "sisters."



Cancer has brought a whole new dimension to the love and concern I feel for my kids. I never really understood how painful being a mom could be. And there is a good chance that this won't be the end of my suffering and maybe not even the worst of it. But even with the pain that comes as part of the job, the joy my kids bring me is indescribable.

I am a far cry from perfect. I yell at my kids often and today was no exception. Some of my motherly duties have fallen by the wayside since cancer came along. We eat too much junk food and watch too much TV and my kids do very little chores these days. I hope I will get a second chance here, but in the meantime I do want the best for them and I love them immensely. I guess that is what makes motherhood work--we moms will sacrifice a lot to give our kids the best life we can.

Tonight I want to hold Steven in my arms like I did when he was a baby. I wish I could take away all the pain that he will feel next week. If I could, I would go in his place for the surgery. But since I can't, I hope he can at least go through the trial ahead with a surety that his mom loves him.

P.S. He is still doing well-continues to claim he isn't nervous about the surgery. I'm pretty sure I'm more nervous that he is. He had a great weekend with his aunt Alisa and her kids. She did a much better job of providing fun than I could have. I had a busy and distracting day trying to prep for this crazy week.

Ready, set, go!

Steven went to school all day yesterday and he's back this morning. He may only go half the day because he doesn't know if he can handle the "unpleasant aromas" (his words) of the cafeteria.

After school, we met some of his cousins for an Easter egg hunt. There was a perfect break from the rain. Steven said it was the best hunt ever--his favorite part was that he got mostly coins instead of candy ("money is much more valuable than candy") and there were no limits of how many he could find. I loved this picture of them waiting for the "go."



Needless to say, with a full day of school and an egg hunt, he hit the pillow hard last night. But all in all, I think he's doing quite well.

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine from Columbus sent me this article that I loved. It's about a boy with a rotationplasty who plays baseball. I love these stories!

Record numbers

The nurse practicioner called me with Steven's blood counts today and I was blown away with how high the white blood cell counts were. This is the effect of the nuepogen shots he is getting, but his ANC was 11,100. What? The normal range is between 1500 and 8000 and the "safe" number to go to school is 500. And then his white blood cell count was 12.5 (the normal range for that is 2.4-12.5, but the highest he's been since chemo started was 5.2). I'm happy that he responds to the nuepogen or G-CSF shots. But mostly I'm hoping that his tumor responds to the chemo and my limited knowledge of all this stresses me out! Is he not sick enough? The answer I normally get from doctors and nurses is, "It depends."

Time will tell exactly how the shots affect him. In the meantime, he is okay to go to school tomorrow and be about people on Saturday, but since Sunday and Monday would be when he would start the low period, he won't be at church Sunday or school Monday until we see what his labs say. The nurse told me to do shots until we see his next labs.

Steven really has done well with this round of chemo. He has thrown up only once, though certainly he is nauseated and his appetite has been very small. His red blood cells are kind of low, so he feels a little tired. But who knows? Maybe it is part of sitting around in his recliner so much. When the home health nurse came to draw labs today, he was on the couch instead of the chair and she was like, "Wow! I've never seen you out of your chair!"

It is rare for him to be out of his chair, but he does mix it up a little bit. Yesterday we went to the farm and he even rode his bike around. He found the geese and ducks hilarious.

Spotlight on Steven

I feel like I need to share a little bit about who Steven is. I know most of you who read this know Rob or me mostly and not our cancer star here. Since a picture says a thousand words, here is a link to a Picasa album with a few pictures and captions. (If you can't see it, let me know, we'll try something else.)

Steven

Some pictures

These pictures from the last few weeks really belong on the other posts, but I haven't taken them off my camera until now.


Here we are at the hospital during round one of chemotherapy. Steven slept through much of it.


He got a visit from Aunt Alisa--his cancer buddy.


A walk in the park was a great idea last week. Don't be deceived by the picture--Addie can't really push that wheelchair.


Playing chess with a buddy from school.


Feeling better and laughing at a song on his Ipad.


He made it back to school today. Hooray! His class presented him with this beautiful quilt to show their support.


Reading Calvin and Hobbes with some of his best friends from our time in Ohio.

Sunny California

Just before Steven went into his biopsy on Thursday the 17th, we asked the doctors if it would be okay for us to take a trip to California that weekend--before the chemotherapy started. They said it may be the only time we would able to go that far until he finished chemo, so we decided to skip town. Steven had always wanted to see the ocean.

It was so nice to get away and to be distracted as we waited to start the chemo. As soon as the airplane landed, I wanted to eat--something I hadn't been able to do for days. I kept my appetite the whole time we were there--amazing! We left the girls with my sister and took along her son, James--one of Steven's best friends.

Steven loved the ocean. He had to keep his incisions clean, so he couldn't get in. He was sad about that, but had a great time finding sea shells and running from the waves. We went to Sea World, Legoland and the San Diego Wild Animal Park. We made some good memories--hopefully good enough to see us through this hard year.




Feeding the Lorikeets--one the highlights


Legoland--my boys' dream destination


A water fight in February--does it get any better?


We gained a new appreciation for wheelchairs.


Our hotel was right on the beach--it was amazing. I love the mountains, but I can totally understand the draw to California. I can't wait to go again when this is all over.